Rainman.exe

rainman.exe was first spawned on March 10, 1976 in Newville, PA — during a cold and snowy week, because of course the system had to boot up in the harshest conditions possible. Snow on the ground, frost in the air, and somewhere in Cumberland County a new process entered the world ready to README everything in sight.

No one expected the process would still be running 50 years later — but here we are, and kill -9 has never worked. Forged in a Pennsylvania snowstorm, this thing was built to survive anything.

The original documentation was lost, but rumor has it the first words logged to stdout were: "Hello, World?" — with a question mark, because even from day one, he was questioning everything.

Happy 50 years of uptime. Zero planned downtime. Countless unplanned reboots.

I think we’ve hit 500 or more breakfasts. Not sure what kind of status or rewards we get with Lucky’s — maybe with 1,500 more visits they hand the keys over to us.

I can never thank you enough for showing me Splunk. I hope I’ve solved more problems than I created.

Thank you for access to your library at Bent Creek. I appreciate your friendship and mentorship over the last 20 years.

At Orrstown, my troubleshooting methodology for the Ironport was simple: when in doubt, reboot. Rainman found this deeply peculiar. To me — a young technologist — this was standard operating procedure. You don’t question the restart. The restart is life.

It wasn’t until Rainman and crew started opening my eyes that I realized “randomly power-cycling production hardware” wasn’t exactly a best practice. Who knew?

Appreciate everything you’ve done for me personally and professionally. You made me a better person and engineer.

But you’re still a jackass.

Starting my career in Covid was rough, but one moment stood out. Our team had an occasional end-of-day hangout, and on one of them it came up I was moving into my new apartment with no TV yet. CT offered one from his basement.

Big mistake. I invited him to every meeting after that, including the crucial “what should we name this JSON field” debate. Most folks would have blown it off. You told me: “Naming’s important. What you do may be around a while. I’m glad you care.”

Whether it’s been code, cars, or craft beers, I appreciate the friendship and mentorship. I even came around on the EV thing. Read all my reasons you should purchase one here.

At this age, gravity is undefeated. Good day to double-check that the boys aren’t outpacing the inseam on shorts. Happy 50th!

Started with an interview — me and O’Connor on the panel. One of us passed. Idiot.

Then the rest is history: PTI and magical rewards, points bank debates with Frazier, DMF… moving to DE, a stint in architecture (sorry)… Tina and the same damn order every morning, and too many theoretical debates to count — but always fun.

Thanks for the friendship over the years. Here’s to 50 more… albeit hopefully in a different political climate.